To hug someone is to shut the world out and find refuge in a tiny, sacred circle of trust. But when the walls of that sanctuary crumble—when betrayal seeps into that space—the very nature of a touch changes. The arms that once felt like a shield can suddenly feel like a cage, or worse, a haunting question mark.
Looking at the four types of hugs in the image above, I’m sure different memories—and perhaps different stings—crossed your minds. When we’ve been hurt, our bodies often remember what our minds try to forget.
1. The Protection (The Hug from Behind)
For many of us, this was the ultimate sign of peace. The "I’ve got your back" feeling. But after the lies come out, this hug can feel like the coldest silence. You find yourself wondering: Is the mountain I’m leaning on still there, or am I leaning into a void?
2. The Soul Connection (Eye to Eye)
This is total transparency. It is the hardest one to face after betrayal because eyes don't have filters. Looking into them while being held close, you can’t help but search for the truth behind the pupils. Can you still see "him," or do you see a stranger?
3. & 4. The Intensity (Passion and Possession)
Sometimes, in the aftermath, we try to patch our bleeding hearts with sheer intensity. We hold on tighter, hoping the physical closeness will bridge the emotional chasm. But the skin is honest, ladies. Our bodies know the difference between a hug filled with soul and one that is just a hollow, performative gesture.
Where Do We Go From Here?
To be able to embrace someone with that same pure, effortless emotion again, we first have to wrap our arms tightly around our own souls. We must mend our broken pieces with our own compassion before we can truly feel safe in the arms of another.
I want to ask you sincerely: Which of these hugs used to be your "home"? And for those of you walking this difficult path right now, which one do you miss the most—or which one can you no longer bear to feel?
In this "Secret Garden," we are here to listen to the stories your heart is too tired to tell out loud.
Olivia Jameson (Founder Cheatedwomen)